The baby shower at my house yesterday cost me nearly a thousand dollars. Believe me, I’m not complaining about the money. It made me happy to put up the money for my daughter’s baby shower. And I could care less about my house getting trashed by the event. Over 50 women showed up. There were four or five babies sucking up tons of attention. I was the only man in attendance. Once I set up the rented tables and chairs, picked up the ice and food, cleaned the back yard furniture, filled up the drink canisters with lemonade, iced tea, and coffee, and skimmed the pool, nobody wanted me around. While mixing an Arnold Palmer for my own consumption, the early guests ignored me except for one woman who asked what I was doing there. The last time I felt so unwelcome was at the Fifty Shades of Grey movie where I was the only male in attendance at a nearly full theatre. (Just for the record, I did not attend this movie by myself. I accompanied my wife because her girlfriend got sick at the last minute and she did not want to go by herself. Honest! Why don’t you believe me?) I never used to have time to go to chick flicks and baby showers when I was running a billion dollar company because I was always working. On weekends, I entertained customers at the Country Club. Only on Friday and Saturday nights was I available for social events that had nothing to do with my job. I used to feel attractive, desirable, successful, and important when I attended neighborhood cocktail parties, weddings, funerals, birthday parties, New Year’s Eve galas, etc. Women were impressed by me. I got lots of attention. Now, when I attend these types of events, women either ignore me straight out or ignore me after asking me if I’m thinking of going back to work and I tell them ‘no’. You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. At yesterday’s baby shower, I had three conversations with women. Conversation number one took place with my older daughter (not the one having the baby) after a woman handed me her shower gift so she could put on a pair of protective booties. As I placed the gift in the designated gift area, my daughter asked me if I remembered to hand the woman an envelope to write down her address for the ‘thank you’ note. When I asked her what she was talking about, she scolded me with a lecture about the efficiency of having each guest fill out the envelope in order to save the mother-to-be some time when she writes her ‘thank you’ notes and then ordered me to find the woman and have her fill out an envelope immediately. Conversation number two took place when my mother and sister informed me that I would be holding my sister’s birthday party at my house next weekend and told me who would be in attendance and what I would be bringing to the event. Conversation number three occurred when my wife told me all the clean up work that I needed to complete so that the house would be ready for the cleaning lady the next day. Of course, I did exactly what they all told me to do. I’m an unimportant man after all, and all of the women in my life seem to feel great when they make me feel unimportant.